Dirty Adult Jokes: Masturbation Poem (Poems)

You don't need to use a condom

You don't need a dental dam

You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty

Dollars, Ma'am."

Don't need to spring for dinner,

Or wear all that sexy stuff

All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff

'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land

Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!

It's natural, and organic

It's easy and it's fun

If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done

You don't need a special license

You don't need a special skill

Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill

'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,

Masturbators of America, Give Yourselves a Hand!

(Musical bridge, with lots of suggestive dance moves on the ROCKER'S part. For instance, he does that one bit where you jump backwards on one leg while playing air guitar, except that instead of playing air guitar he's stroking air wanker.)

You can do it in the bathroom

You can do it in your bed

You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead

You can rub it with some lotion

You can stroke it with a cloth

Arnold Shwartzenegger pounds it, Michael Jackson jacks it off

Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.

Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a Hand!